And so the vortex swirls.
Maybe this is not clear to you, but I do know what I mean. I really do. And at the risk of being called a whiner, I really am torn. I want to be a good guy. I want to do good in the world. So how do I convince myself that what I want to do, brings about good? Is it really a conundrum, or could it be more likely an excuse?
I say the latter is probably true.
So there you have it.
I have always wanted to follow my muse, to be a "creative". I have some talent in writing, in creating photo images and creating a warm and welcoming environment. I enjoy doing these things. When I do them, it feels like play. And perhaps there is the rub. Play is not part of the Puritan Ethic with which I was raised. But by now, I should be over that. Should being the operative and very judgemental word. And I have come close many times. And in those periods, I have felt very much alive.
Then I take what Julia Cameron (Artist's Way) calls a creative u-turn. A creative u-turn is what one does when he or she is experiencing his or her creative nature. It scares them. A creative u-turn is when you back away or avoid the next step in your creative journey. Fear they say is the reason. I suppose it is. What have I to be afraid of? Lord knows. I just need to grab the wheel again and steer myself in the right direction.
And so I will
Starting in February I will start blogging again. (Actually this may count as the start date).
I will do my Morning Pages -- the daily practice of writing three pages upon rising as a sort of mind dump, taming the monkey mind, etc.
I will take an Artist's Date --- a date with myself to do something personally inspiringly fun and insightful...a trip to a museum, a movie, a walk in the park. Once a week. These are done alone. They are a date with my artist self.
I am going to be accountable to myself. And to you if you so inclined to hold me such. I will try not be be testy. LOL. I just want get it together...again...and find out what I was meant to do.
As so the journey re-starts again.