 Completely unrelated, there you have it And so there you have it. One of my favorite go-to phrases when I've run out of information and things to add, or it just seems like we've reach the conclusion of the subject at hand. "And so," I said, realizing there was not much more to say and we might not ever really understand, but need to agree that's that, "There you have it."
Not sure why I go on this, this morning, but it seems appropriate. Sometimes I just sit back and think, "Well, there you have it. That's explains everything...and nothing." Sometimes you just need to let it go, rest or go back to the back burner to percolate a bit more. That's where I am right now. Percolating. Like last night. I woke up after some weird dreams and had the muse whispering in my ear with what sounded like great inspirations. "Wake up! Write them down! You'll forget them by morning if you don't." So I did. And now I have these little inspirational snippets to cobble into a poem or an essay or throw in the trash. But it makes be feel better to know the old brain is still working, still ready to create. So here I go. Stand by. And so, there you have it.
1 Comment
 The Mystery Re-ignited
I always knew I had a half sister somewhere. Rumor had it she was somewhere on the west coast. My father was married once before he married my mother. I knew there were two children, a boy and a girl. My dad's first family was in his home state of Pennsylvania. He divorced and moved to Detroit. I always heard that that marriage was stormy and that I shouldn't ask too many questions, so I never did. What I Knew I remember visits from my half brother who was a long distance truck driver. He seems like a good guy. Always offered to take me on a run with him, but that never came about. I remember him parking his semi and trailer on our street in Redford. The neighborhood kids were always curious. He didn't stay long. Occasionally we'd visit him and his family in central Pennsylvania. And that was about it. He passed away years ago and now I can't remember how I heard. But my half sister was another story. I remember one encounter near the town where my father grew up. We there around the Fourth of July for our annual family vacation in Pennsylvania to visit my dad's relatives. We were at the Fourth of July parade. I remember this young woman and my dad talking on the corner. Later my dad said that was my half sister. The only time I saw her. Curiosity Has Occasionally Killed Some Cats Now, over fifty years later, I was doing some ancestry search on the internet when I found my dad's obituary. I'd never seen it. It listed everyone I knew about including me, my aunt and uncle, my dad's parents and his third wife whom he had married after he returned to Pennsylvania when my mother died. And there was my half sister listed too. So of course I had to check it out. What Next? Thanks to 411.com, I seem to have found my half sister listed in Portland, age 80, Maiden name same as my last name. Somehow I know it is her. Now my dilemma is, should I contact her? I remember being cautioned not to. The divorce was not pretty I was told. I can't imagine after all these years it being a problem, though. Just curiosity more than anything at this point. And So My Quandry. What could she tell me about my dad, my grandparents and other family stories? Do I really want to know? I'll think about it a while then decide what to do...if anything. And just to add to the curiosity, I just read the obit again. It lists that my dad was pre-deceased by his parents and a son. Name not listed. But my half brother I knew was listed. Fascinating what you find when you aren't really looking. I'll let you know what I decide to do next, if anything. Should make an interesting chapter in my memoirs.  I love Mondays and I believe you should too. Here's why.
Mondays are the beginning of the week. The week is laden with new possibilities. You chose to get out of bed and to do whatever it is you are doing with your time, whether it be work, play or vegging. Mondays are days when .... oh, phooey. I'm not even buying this. Love Mondays? Really? What kind of madness is that? Mondays always follow the weekend when most people are off doing things they would rather be doing than what they are doing on most Mondays. What's not to not love Mondays? Now there are people who actually work the weekends or nights or whatever. Their Mondays may come on Tuesday or Thursday or some other day of the week. And their Mondays may move about, change each week or after four weeks or....well, you get the idea. Monday, it seems, is really any day that starts a week no matter what day the calendar says it is. So love Mondays? Well, it depends. If you are doing something you truly love, then you probably love your Mondays. If you are not happy in your occupations, (work or whatever you do with your time), hating on Mondays should tell you something about how you are living your life. And there it is. The secret of Monday. Monday is a litmus test for how you truly feel about your life as it is going for you. It's a wake up call. It's your heart and soul giving you a report on how you are doing living your life. Perhaps that is why Monday gets a bad rap. It's misunderstood. As is the purpose of life. What is that? Well, depending on how you feel about Mondays, you get it. Or you don't. Ah, Monday. I guess I was right in the first place. I love Mondays and I believe you should too.  "One lives in the hope of becoming a memory." -Antonio Porchia, It occurs to me that this is probably the best that anyone could ever really hope for. Not fame or glory; not vanity either. I am not even talking about true immortality the kind that lives on after we are gone, in others, in their hearts and minds. This is not about heavenly immortality. I tend to believe that Soul or Spirit, lives on after we are gone in some fashion. But that is not what I'm talking about here. Its about what we leave behind. The memory of us. As long as that lives on, we never die. Nor do those whom we have loved and lost. We create the memories of us for others, but ultimately it belongs to them. To be thought of now and then after we're gone; whether it is for the love we shared, my works or deeds (good of not so great), my writing, or any of my contributions to life I may have made. I just hope not be forgotten. And I hope to keep those I have loved alive by talking and writing about them. To matter, to leave a memory of what was, who I was, and what I did and said while on this mortal plane. More the memory of my smile, my voice, my touch, to warm the heart and still the soul, long than any frowns or angry words I may have spoken. To live aware you are creating memories for everyone you encounter. If not to be a memory, what would our life's ambition be? That, gentle reader, I do wonder and hope the memories of us are fond. In deference to Ayn Rand, whom I must confess I have not read, I do take liberty with her title here, and make it my own variation.
 The Sea of Inspiration: Jump in or Not? As I was doing my Morning Pages this morning it occurred to me how many of the things I want to do and the things I should do overlap and blend together. For quite some time I have been wanting to work on my office/slash studio to get it organized and useable. Right now it is cluttered with boxes and supplies and papers and stuff to the point I can hardly get through it. I usually just pull the door closed and tell myself I'll deal with it "tomorrow". I want to get it organized. I know it will feel good and be the usable space I want. I know I should do it, yet it is so easy to just put it off.
There are many activities and to-do's like this that wander, drift aimlessly, go in and out of my mind and thoughts. I want to go on photo safaris. I should get my papers organized and filed for taxes and records. I want to write this blog. I should work on getting my photos ready for the exhibits I should/want to enter this year. I want/should (and need) to exercise more. On and on the list goes. It is a real mixed bag. Almost every should is a want and almost every want is a should. Those that aren't fall away it, get lost in the shuffle or just hang out there in neverland. It all boils down to priorities. And priorities are what help with choices. Like right now, I have chosen to write this blog before walking the dogs. Those activities are both "want to's" and "should's." I enjoy both, but sometimes I don't do them. Priorities. Choices. It never ends. Its a real mixed bag.  I'm old enough to remember when almost everything that could close, did close on Sunday. Department stores, grocery stores, the cleaners, gas stations (not sure on this one, I was young), libraries, and more. It was a day to window shop because the stores were closed. We went for Sunday drives in the country. Now where my dad and mom would take us out into the farmlands and countrysides northwest of Detroit are shoppings centers, housing communities, warehouses, car dealers and more. And they are all open on Sunday.
I started thinking about this when I though I could get away with not blogging on Sunday because, well, it was Sunday. "Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy" ya know. Well, not so much any more. But I digress. Yes, I could shut down for the day. But here I am, blogging away. So maybe I need another reason. An excuse. Somehow not feeling like it is a cop out. And now that I've written this, this on Sunday, I guess I don't have to worry about taking Sunday off. So there you have it. I wonder what Socrates would have said? What do you think?  The answer to yesterday's question, who originally said, "The unexamined life is not worth living"? It was Socrates. Socrates was a classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy, and as being the first moral philosopher, of the Western ethical tradition of thought*. Morals and ethics. Philosophy. Classical thought. It all started somewhere. And if I go to my cynical side, seems to have gone into retreat. In fact, I imagine Socrates and his fellow deep-thinkers might cringe at the world as it is today. I know I do at times.
Anyway, I knew you needed to know who said that about examining life to make it worth living. Someone has to be held responsible. Too bad he is dead. Truly, I hope his school of thought is not lost. Through his portrayal in Plato's dialogues, Socrates has become renowned for his contribution to the fields of ethics and epistemology. It is this Platonic Socrates who lends his name to the concepts of Socratic irony and the Socratic method* Epistemology. Socratic irony. This could be the start of something new...new, for the new year. *Lifted from Wikipedia  Examine the mystery of life Missing a day. Could it happen? Sure. But not on watch. Not this time. Nope, no way. But then....
Okay, I am struggling here. I have to wonder why it is so important to me to keep up the consistency. Consistency, it appears, is important to me. Oh my word, another epiphany. So, I guess, in my mind or sub-conscious (now conscious) mind, to not blog every day signals a failure of some sort. Who knew? Okay, so maybe I'm being unrealistic. Coming up with something to blog about every day is not all that easy. But then, who said I had to? Where is it written? I ask you. But then here I am, writing the fourth blog on the fourth day of the new year. No failure here. So now I wonder...does this kind of thing ever happen to you? Is it realistic to set this kind of goal and if you don't do it, is it a failure? Hmmm. I kinda like what's happening here. You know what they say, "The unexamined life is not worth living"? And that, it appears is what I'm doing as we start the new year. BTW, do you know who said the above quote? It's older than I thought.  Being away. I have been away from home since the middle of December. It's been almost three weeks since I packed up Miguelito and my things and came to Santa Barbara to housesit for my friends who have gone off to their place on the continent. Isn't that what they used to say when folks travelled abroad to western Europe? So I came to the Riviera of the west coast for retreat and recreate. And now its almost over.
It was an odd time of year to be away from home. Christmas and New Year's. But for the past several years I really haven't celebrated that much. Being single and all, it seemed the holidays happened all around me. I'd put up a tree, decorate and stuff, but really, it seemed like a lot of hubbub for little return. So I decide to just go off to myself and ignore the whole thing. So here I am, at the end of the sojourn. I've had much time to think, to muse, to ruminate and reflect. It's been an interesting experience over all. And I have had a few epiphanies and insights...some which I will share (if you're interested) as the year, and this blog, progresses. But in the meantime, I now have to turn my thoughts and muses back to my re-entry into day-to-day life at home. Home is where the heart is. And my heart is in Riverside I guess. It was easy to fall into a routine here such as taking George the bulldog our for his daily walk, coming back and then going a bit further with Miguelito. Going for drives to explore along the coast. Doing some touristy things like the zoo, the museums, State Street, the beaches, the mission and more. It's felt oddly "right" to me. Like I could go on like this for some time. But alas, I cannot. Time to get ready to return to "real life". Sunday, Miguelito and I make the trek back home. This will seem as if it were a dream of sorts. Not ideal, but sufficiently pleasant to remind me that each day I can decide what of life's offerings I choose to experience. And learning that what I yearn to be is just as important as anything that others want me to be. And learning to say no and yes as appropriate. Life is good. And it is what you make it. This time away has reminded me of that. So here's to the new year and a renewal of faith that Auntie Mame had it right when she said, "Life's a banquet. And most poor suckers are starving to death." To that I say, let me begin to partake again. |
Rob McMurray,
|