On Dealing with Creative U-Turns

I'm back!

You might be wondering where I've been...if indeed you noticed I haven't been blogging of late.    I guess you could say I have been lost in a vortex of paradoxical thinking.  Probably easier to describe it as a creative block.  I've allowed other priorities swirl around me much like a tempest in the proverbial teapot.  It is all very distracting and very comforting at the same time.  I say distracting, because it keeps me from doing what I think I really want to be doing.  I say comforting because it justifies not doing those things I say I love.  It is so easy to just blame others for my inability to do what I want to do.  Heaven forbid I should just say no to some things, drop some other things and focus on my alleged priorities.  I say alleged because if they truly were my priorities, wouldn't I be doing them?

And so the vortex swirls.  

Maybe this is not clear to you, but  I do know what I mean.  I really do.  And at the risk of being called a whiner, I really am torn.  I want to be a good guy.  I want to do good in the world.  So how do I convince myself that what I want to do, brings about good?  Is it really a conundrum, or could it be more likely an excuse?

I say the latter is probably true.

So there you have it.

I have always wanted to follow my muse, to be a "creative".   I have some talent in writing, in creating photo images and creating a warm and welcoming environment.  I enjoy doing these things.  When I do them, it feels like play.  And perhaps there is the rub.  Play is not part of the Puritan Ethic with which I was raised.  But by now, I should be over that.  Should being the operative and very judgemental word.  And I have come close many times.  And in those periods, I have felt very much alive.  

Then I take what Julia Cameron (Artist's Way) calls a creative u-turn.  A creative u-turn is what one does when he or she is experiencing his or her creative nature.  It scares them.  A creative u-turn is when you back away or avoid the next step in your creative journey.  Fear they say is the reason.  I suppose it is.  What have I to be afraid of?  Lord knows.  I just need to grab the wheel again and steer myself in the right direction.  

And so I will

Starting in February I will start blogging again. (Actually this may count as the start date).
I will do my Morning Pages -- the daily practice of writing three pages upon rising as a sort of mind dump, taming the monkey mind, etc.
I will take an Artist's Date --- a date with myself to do something personally inspiringly fun and insightful...a trip to a museum, a movie, a walk in the park.  Once a week.  These are done alone.  They are a date with my artist self.  

I am going to be accountable to myself.  And to you if you so inclined to hold me such.  I will try not be be testy.  LOL.  I just want get it together...again...and find out what I was meant to do.  

As so the journey re-starts again.

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