WWW.QWERKIROB.NET
  • Thoughts & Musings
  • Pholog
  • QwerkiPix

Singular Realizations of Retirement

1/16/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
On the noontime sports show on NPR called Only a Game, one of the subjects discussed was about professional athletes and what they face when they retire.  The question most of them face after years of having a coach to tell them what to do is:  "What do I do now that I no longer have someone to tell me what to do?"  It struck me how this would be an issue for them.  It is much like after years of working for someone else who tells you what to do and how to do, you leave, either through quitting or retiring, and are faced with making your own decisions about what to do with your life from thereon.  It's not unlike kids leaving home or spouses leaving marriages or many, many other situations where being self-directive was not always possible.

This question resonated with me on a personal level and kind of caught me off guard.  I retired from the County six and a half years ago.  I immediately found activities that kept me busy enough not to have to think about what I wanted to do with my life.  I volunteered for various agencies, involved myself in relationships that tapped into my need to be a caretaker and helper, but didn't always leave room for me to be me.  Now don't get me wrong.  I wasn't forced or coerced.  I simply thought this was what made me feel good about myself.  But not leaving time for reflection and exploration of myself and my wants and needs, I felt like I was doing what retirement was meant to be.  It was what good guys do.

Then late last year something began to shift.  I had discovered hobbies that I really enjoyed doing with photography and writing.  I also enjoyed what I call "nesting", creating a warm and welcoming home environment in my home and garden.  Cooking has become a fun pass-time.  And road-trips have become something I like to do, either with someone who shares similar interests or, amazingly, on my own.  What I find myself realizing and now sharing with people is that I have finally gotten this retirement thing right.  

Now I still enjoy time with friends and family.  But I equally enjoy time with myself and my "kids".  I don't mind helping friends and family out, but I also am finding saying "no" is not the end of the world...or the relationship.  Boundaries like fences are good things and define territory and limits.  And there is nothing to feel guilty about in any of that.   And I have finally, I now know it is infinitely better to decline a request or invitation, than to say "yes" when you don't want to and end up resentful and even angry.  And, truly, it is the right thing to do.

And so, there you have it.  If I answer "no", it doesn't mean I don't care about you.  But it does mean I care about me more than I used to.  And ultimately, it means I really do care about you because I don't want to resent you or be angry with you or with anyone or anything else.  In the end, I think that means we will all be a lot happier and healthier.  And that, truly, is the right thing to do!

2 Comments
BETTE
1/17/2016 03:18:14 pm

I ENJOYED WXHING YOUR EAARLY RETIREMENT PARTICULARLY WHEN YOU VOLUNTEERD FOR DICKENS AND RENTEED THATGFORGEOUS OUTIT FIT WITH TAILS
NEXT YOU VOLUNTEERED FOR EVERY JOB AT CHURCH TIL YOU WORE YOURSELF OUT THEN YOU TOOK ON ALWYN
AND HELPING OTHERS AND NOW YOU ARE BEING BETTY
CROCKER COOKING AND MAKING GOOD THINGS FOR
OTHERS AND WE MUST NOT FORGET THE TALENT YOU
DISCOVERED YOU HAVE PHOTOGRAPHY WITH A BEAUTIFUL EYE FOR SEEING LOVELY SCENES.
YOU Have EMBRASSED RETIREMENT PERFECTLY AMEN
BB

Reply
Jennifer
1/20/2016 07:39:11 am

All the activities you have involved yourself in definitely have to be broadening and rewarding. I need to spend more time figuring out what is most important for me too. I think you've really understood the main point of retirement. I need to work on this myself. Thanks for all your insights.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Rob McMurray,
    Muser  

    I think of myself as a Muser Extraordinaire.  :)
    I am also a Writer, photographer and garden designer.  Friend, poet, paternal companion to my animal companions. And surely more.  This is my blog and my website where I share my musings and thoughts with anyone who cares to read them.
                                       Rob

    My Facebook Page

    Archives

    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    June 2019
    May 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    October 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012

    All Materials Copyright by Rob McMurray QwerkiRob

Contact Me

    Subscribe Today!

Submit
  • Thoughts & Musings
  • Pholog
  • QwerkiPix