Lately I find myself visiting the refrigerator more often. Sometimes I am hungry. Sometimes I am bored. Sometimes I am looking for answers. I'm sure the answers must be inside. I'm just not seeing them. It is the latter that concerns me the most, All suggest more mindfulness.
I go to the door and open it without thinking. I might have just done the same a few minutes before. Hunger? For food or drink, I am sure. But I never see that one thing that will satisfy whatever is hungry in me. Sometimes I drink a bit of orange juice or water. I nibble on the cut up oranges or apples in glass containers. (It really does help to do this as eating an entire orange or apple can be quite intimidating).
Sometimes I go directly for the good stuff in the freezer. Ice cream! Remarkably, I usually save this treat for evening. I do have some discipline, you know.
Often after not finding what might be the answer, I go to the pantry. I look for that perfect snack. Crackers, chips, M&Ms. Sometimes just cereal is good. Again I nibble. Again I am only temporarily sated.
You know I really think it is not hunger that drives me, but boredom or a feeling of emptiness that inspires this behavior. I remember a long time ago when I studied psychology in college this was a subject of discussion. I think they still talk about it occasionally on Live with Kelly & Ryan or The View or even Ellen. It is a subconscious way of quelling the disquiet in our lives. Eatng pushes those feelings down. But, frankly, even knowing this, does not stop me.
So there you have it. The X-Files always said "The answer is out there." I disagree. I truly believe the answer is inside. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong place. Maybe it isn't inside the fridge, but, sigh, inside me. Oh, phoo. Not nearly the immediate gratification I was seeking, but to be honest, in the long run, it might lead to a much longer lasting feeling of satisfaction. I think they call it meditation or internal examination. Whatever it might be called, it is always there, inside. And that's the undeniable truth.