This evening as I was leaving one of my writing workshops I found myself feeling a bit disconnected. Everyone dispersed and and went their separate ways. Feeling adrift, It was as if I wasn't quite plugged in right then.
During the workshop I felt like I was connected to the other participants, but then someone would make an observation or comment actually repeating something I had already said as if I had never said it. That I attributed to the layout of the room, my soft voice and the probability the person who made the repeated remark having not heard me. That happens. It's time like that that make one stop and go "huh?"
Maybe it is because I have come to enjoy my alone time so much that I am finding it more difficult to actually connect with other people; although I really doubt that. Perhaps I am more impatient with people and just don't invest that much energy in trying to connect. Maybe. I don't know. But I do notice that sometimes even when the moment is right for a "connecting moment", it doesn't happen. Like waiting for someone who is going to the same event you are and you both arrive early. The other person walks a few steps with you and then says, "I'll see you there, I'm stopping here to meet the others and get some coffee." Huh?
Maybe I am just being a bit sensitive maybe, or maybe clueless. I don't know. But I feel a bit dismissed when things like this happen. On the other hand, there are times when someone actually wants to do something with me or include me in an event and I just can't. It usually either because I'm previously committed or I feel insecure or I just don't feel like it. Now shouldn't a connection be made there? It's not about you. It may not even be about me. It is just that particular time and circumstance. That's all. Of course, if it happens repeatedly, over and over, then I suppose a connection will be made, conclusions drawn and future connections not appear.
So I guess what I am saying that I realized tonight that connection is a basic human need. I know I need to feel connected to others, but not anchored and/or tethered. The trick is to find the balance, as it is with ALL things in the human condition. Ugh. Work. That all said, I think I will unplug for now and connect with the pillow and my subconscious mind in dreamland. There, I believe, we can really connect the answers we are looking for.
And of course, I'll always have Facebook for that ultimate illusion of connectivity! Just kidding, I love Facebook and, yes, I do believe it is a sincere form of staying connected, at least for me.