"Former Friends". That says it all. Friends that are no longer friends in your current circle. Friends though, that had a lot to do with forming who you are. Friends, who although they are not longer in your life, taught you something about what it meant to be a friend in spite of no longer being your friend. Former friends. I am grateful for the friends who no longer are in my life for one reason or another. I look back and know that I contributed to the end of the relationship. These are people I spent a lot of time with. We ran around together to the movies, bowling, plays, just hung out, whatever. But then something changed. Something that had been bothering them about me suddenly came to the fore. It was enough for them to no longer want to be my friend. It caught me by surprise. I won't say it didn't hurt. But I also can't say I wasn't guilty of whatever way I had let them down. Intentional or not, I had not been the friend they wanted. And obviously they were not the friend I thought they were. And that's okay. People grow. People change. We evolve. We get stuck. But the amazing thing about former friends is just that: they are formers. They formed a lot of who I am today. They taught me to be more aware of myself and how I come across. I have to admit that in those relationships I was also guilty of tolerating things that I should not have. That, too, is another lesson to be learned from former friends. If something bugs you, it should be addressed. Often it hits on a nerve with yourself on something you do like about yourself. That's a tough one...but an important one. Awareness is the key. And the willingness to learn. That is why I am grateful for my former friends. They were instrumental in the formation of my character and content today. And truthfully, I still love them as if we were still close. And somehow I like to believe, they feel the same. Just not in the same room.
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Why on earth would I choose pain to be grateful for? Well, I do agree that it is not something I enjoy. I certainly do not wish it on anyone who is suffering it constantly like so many people I know. It is also a curse. But like so many things that are a curse, it can also be a blessing. Or so my physical medicine doctor at Kaiser would have you believe. I have been suffering severe, mobility limiting pain in my right hip and leg eminating from some compressed lumbar discs in my lower back. These discs compress on the siatic nerve causing a range of discomfort from a dull throbbing ache to sever flashes of pain that brought tears to my eyes. Thank God (gratitude) it has begun to subside of late meaning healing is going on. I have been able to walk greater distances without severe pain and sleep better at night. But I have to say it has been a real pain in the a**. Now back to what the doctor was saying yesterday when I visited this one for the first time. My primary care doctor gave me a steriod and "an opioid analgesic and antitussive" which has a list of side effects that scared me more than the prospect of living with pain. I didn't take them even though I filled the prescription and don't rule out the possibility of taking them in the future should the pain return and be unbearable. Unbearable is the operative word. The doctor explained the pain I was visited with as "nature's way of telling me to stop what I was doing and take care of myself." Seems nature could have just whispered in my ear, "slow down', but no, she had to knock my socks off. But I didn't stretch before exercising. I didn't warm up before hopping on my bike. I didn't pay attention to how I was moving when I was working in the yard. Activities I normally enjoy without thinking, were forbidden (for a time) to me. That is pain's gift. Thus the gratitude. It truly is nature's way of saying care of that wonderful gift God gave you: your body. Now I know a lot of pain is visited on people undeservedly. Pain's gift to me in this case is empathy. I literally "feel their pain" to paraphrase and reapply the words of Bill Clinton. For that, too, I am grateful. I guess what I am saying here is that living in gratitude means finding something to be grateful for in everything we experience and encounter. It can be a tough thing to do...especially at 3am in the dark when cannot get comfortable or excape the inflamation of your nerves and muscles who seem to have turned on you. But there are lessons to be learned even then, like not taking your health for granted. I'd rather not learn about pain management. I am fortunate, indeed blessed, not to have had to go there. Maybe someday I will. If I do, I hope grace will help me find a reason to be grateful even in that. In the meantime, thank you, pain, but all you have taught me. I am grateful for color. What would my world be like without it? It enhances ever experience, accents every feeling, reflects every mood. It gives life its joie de vivre (joy of life). I know I am so very fortunate to see and feel color. I recently painted the interior of my home. Years ago I had painted everything white, navajo white to be exact. It was a pleasant, neutral color (or lack of color), that reflected who I was at the time. That's not me any more. I am colorful. Yep, me. The inner artist is emerging. No matter how hard I try to supress it, it will out. My living room is yellow, happiness, hospitality, light. My dining room is red, hope, passion, happiness. I hear red stimulates the appetite. My den and bedroom are shades of green. Spring, peace, tranquity. My bathroom is blue. Life-giving, good health. What's interesting is the somehow knew these things innately without studying a chart like the one pictured here. This makes be realize we just need to listing to our intuition when coloring our world. Ultimately, I know that color is indeed one of the things for which I am most grateful. It is one of the ture blessings of life. With today being the annual falling back an hour to standard time, it seems appropo to consider our original invention of time. Without this nifty invention, we would surely be led into chaos and confusion. We would never know when we were supposed to be somewhere, how long we have been on this earth, when the next bus was coming, the plane was leaving or the train was overdue. Of course nothing would be early or late because time, had it not been invented, would not exist. Now, I have concluded, really is all there is. We remember the past, dream of the future and exist only in the here and now. With time we measure our progress. We can gage our success and our failure in meeting goals. We can schedule dinner with friends more easily. Time is our friend when we let it be. Time can be for us or against us. It is really up to us to harness the great resource of time. I like time. It gives us the seasons, the days of the week, the months and the years. The time is at hand. It always is, always will be. I know I have read how time was invented. I am sure it has been around since Adam and Eve left the garden. Maybe before -- God created the world in seven days, right? Kidding aside, I am grateful for the invention of time. I am grateful we have found ways to manipulate it for our benefit. We give ourselves the illusion that it is a real thing. And that is just fine with me...as long as we remember we invented it....and it did not invent us. Thanks goodness I have all the time I need to give thanks for When you get to be my age, you have a lot of history. This is what I am grateful for today. Without my personal history, I would not be who I am today. What is that Woody Allen said? "We are the sum total of our choices." Yes, every decision we have made leads us to where we are now. That is undeniable. And, yes, there are choices I would like to have to make over again. Funny thing is, I am not sure I would like that really. What's important is that choices I make now. History is what informs us. It is what we can use to make better choices in the future. I love this graphic I inserted here. Like most folks, I am the center of my universe. But then, so is everyone else. We are millions and billions of universes interacting with each other, making choices and decisions as we go along. These decisions and choices impact not only ourselves, but everyone else. And as we make them we make our personal history. This is why I am grateful for my personal history. My personal history is me, my story. From the day I was born to John and Jane, to being raised in Detroit, moving to California and spending over half my life in this fair city of Riverside, all have shaped me into the man I am today. And to that history, I say thank you very much. It wasn't until I started attending my current church* that I came to understand what All Saints Sunday is about. As I understand at, in Catholic tradition, it is the day we commemorates all those who have attained the beatific vision in Heaven. This I interpret to mean, those who have to named as saints in the church. At my progressive protestant church, we tend to believe all persons who have transitioned from their earthly form into the realms of heaven, can be considered saints...no matter their status or condition here on earth. To us, all can be forgiven, and God welcomes home all his children. Today I am grateful for all the saints in my life who have passed on, died to this world, and taken up residence in the halls of my memory and chambers of my heart. I am grateful for all they gave me in this life, the things they taught me, shared with me and that gave me insight into who I am today. For me, they are not dead. They are always with me, and I with them. I am grateful that this never fades, never changes, never dies. In gratitude, I celebrate the day by remembering those saints and pray that I am passing on what they passed to me during this, my life here on earth. *At First Congregational Church, Riverside-United Church of Christ, we have a tradition of lighting candles of those who have departed this world during the year prior. We also lay upon the communion table mementos and souvenirs representing those we wish to honor. It is a simple yet powerful way of remembering. As October ends, and we begin to look forward to Thanksgiving, I will begin this this blog about gratitude. If we live in gratitude, I seem to remember hearing somewhere, we tend to be more content with what we have and our lives as they are. So here, I will explore the meaning of gratitude, how gratitude effects my life on a day to day basis, and what it is I am most grateful for. 28 days until Thanksgiving. Surely it won't that difficult to think of 28 things I am grateful for. Please come along with me on this journey. I would love to read your comments and insights. We all have things we can be grateful for, no matter the state of our health, wealth or spirit. Tomorrow, Day One: All Saints Day |
AuthorRob McMurray, self described muser extraodinaire. ArchivesCategoriesAll All Saints Day Alphabet Artist Artistic Awareness Chaos Color Color Meaning Communication Tools Convenience Evolving Experience Faith Friendship Grace Grammar Gratitude Growth Inspiration Interpretation Intuition Invention Joy Of Life Letters Meaning Personal Conviction Personal Power Power Religion Remembering Strength Thanksgiving Writing |