Everyone these days seems to want closure. They want to understand why certain events happen. I was listening to the news about the missing airliner jet in Malaysia and the reporter said that the families of those missing just want to know what happened so they can have some "closure". What on earth does that mean? I want to understand why my mother died of cancer at age 57 in 1976 or my brother died of a brain tumor in 1975. I doubt any explanation will ever satisfy me. What does closure mean?
I actually gave up seeking "closure" a long time ago. For some thngs, there just is no explanation. There is hardly a day that goes by I don't miss those who have gone on before me. Knowing why does not bring me closure. I cannot close those doors. I cannot shut the window on the past. It is important to remember.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not in a constant state of mourning. I have gone on. I live each day in the now as much as I can. But it doesn't mean I don't miss my grandmother each and every day. But I also know those I loved who are gone are still part of me.
There is a new program on ABC called Resurrection. I plan to watch it. The premise is that people who have died are "resurrected" and return to their family and friends. Imagine. What if that really happened? Sad thing is, even resurrected, those who have been dead for many years would not be as we remembered them and we, we would not be the same persons they left so long ago. But it is an interesting fantasy. So what does that say about closure?
Ultimately, I don't believe there is such a thing as closure. I think there is such a thing as explanations and reasons leading to increased understanding. But that does not close anything. I think what people are really talking about when they say they are seeking "closure" is acceptance. We want to get to a place where we can accept the reality of the situation and not hurt as much. Pain. That is what drives us to seek this closure we speak of. But sometimes you just have to feel the pain, push through it, and move on.
And it will always be there in some form. It just becomes more familiar, less difficult to live with and more like an old friend. Sometimes pain is not a bad thing. It keeps us grounded. It keeps us real. And it keeps us in touch with that which is lost.
I don't ever want to put closure on the people missing from my life. I want them to stay with me for always and forever. And they do. We can close the lid on the coffin of the past, but I personally prefer to remain open to the past and to remembering the love and the pain of loss. For me, it helps me appreciate the present and everything I have. Afterall, it is because I have "loved and lost" that I will not have to face the ultimate closure of "never having loved at all."
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;'
Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson
********
Update: I actually have been giving up procrastination and just doing what's to be done and it feels good. I am not comparing myself to others, well not as severely...that will take time and practice. Security...well, that, like hope, has two side. One is true, one is false and it is realizing which I am feeling that is helpful in the giving up of what does not serve. I can philosophize alll day long, but it is in the actual conscious giving up that will tell the proverbial tale.
I actually gave up seeking "closure" a long time ago. For some thngs, there just is no explanation. There is hardly a day that goes by I don't miss those who have gone on before me. Knowing why does not bring me closure. I cannot close those doors. I cannot shut the window on the past. It is important to remember.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not in a constant state of mourning. I have gone on. I live each day in the now as much as I can. But it doesn't mean I don't miss my grandmother each and every day. But I also know those I loved who are gone are still part of me.
There is a new program on ABC called Resurrection. I plan to watch it. The premise is that people who have died are "resurrected" and return to their family and friends. Imagine. What if that really happened? Sad thing is, even resurrected, those who have been dead for many years would not be as we remembered them and we, we would not be the same persons they left so long ago. But it is an interesting fantasy. So what does that say about closure?
Ultimately, I don't believe there is such a thing as closure. I think there is such a thing as explanations and reasons leading to increased understanding. But that does not close anything. I think what people are really talking about when they say they are seeking "closure" is acceptance. We want to get to a place where we can accept the reality of the situation and not hurt as much. Pain. That is what drives us to seek this closure we speak of. But sometimes you just have to feel the pain, push through it, and move on.
And it will always be there in some form. It just becomes more familiar, less difficult to live with and more like an old friend. Sometimes pain is not a bad thing. It keeps us grounded. It keeps us real. And it keeps us in touch with that which is lost.
I don't ever want to put closure on the people missing from my life. I want them to stay with me for always and forever. And they do. We can close the lid on the coffin of the past, but I personally prefer to remain open to the past and to remembering the love and the pain of loss. For me, it helps me appreciate the present and everything I have. Afterall, it is because I have "loved and lost" that I will not have to face the ultimate closure of "never having loved at all."
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;'
Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson
********
Update: I actually have been giving up procrastination and just doing what's to be done and it feels good. I am not comparing myself to others, well not as severely...that will take time and practice. Security...well, that, like hope, has two side. One is true, one is false and it is realizing which I am feeling that is helpful in the giving up of what does not serve. I can philosophize alll day long, but it is in the actual conscious giving up that will tell the proverbial tale.
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