I have trouble accepting gifts. When someone gives me a gift, I feel, well, undeserving...is that it? I'm not sure. I sometimes feel obligated...obligated to give something in return. Sometimes I have to admit something else that occasionally happens. I look a gift horse in the mouth. Why is this person giving me a gift in the first place? What do they want? Of course this is not true when the gift is given in gratitude. In that case, gratitude is the real gift. Whatever is given is the token of that gratitude. I need to remember that. I need to give up feeling "weird" about accepting gifts.
And while I'm on the subject, something else I need to wrap my head around is how I feel about giving gifts. Yes, it can be a dilemma. Christmas, birthdays, housewarmings, anniversaries, business, etc and so forth. A gift should be a "want to", not a "feel I have to." Yet, I want to give gifts where gifts are to be given. I struggle, though, over what to give, will it represent my feelings adequately, will it be cherished or end up at Goodwill? (I've had that happen). And what are these strings I'm attaching: like my gift, like me, recognize that I fulfilled my social obligation or that I really, really like you.
So many messages, mixed and subliminal, direct and clear, in every gift. Sometimes there are expectations of reciprocation, sometimes not. I tell myself that a gift is given and that is that. If there are strings attached, cut them. A gift is just that, a gift. It is token of someone's feelings and should be accepted as such. Ain't easy, but I'm giving up looking for meaning beyond. It's a gift, for heavens' sake.
And this is my gift to you. Do with it what you will, but remember, its from the heart.