Its late. There is nothing on television. The house is quiet. The dogs have gone to sleep. This is one of those late evenings when sitting alone, my mind begins to meander a bit. It was four years ago this evening that someone I know was hit by a car in Las Vegas while walking down the sidewalk. His partner was killed immediately. He came to stay with me for some time. His life was turned upside down. He has moved on now. My life changed too...how could it not?
Another friend's partner died today after a long, devastatiing illness. While I was not actively involved, I was always aware, always keeping my hands folded that peace would come to that household. It seems to have tonight.
This morning I met with the heirs of an estate I am co-administering in Bloomington. This was the last time they would be in the house where there brother had lived until he died. After almost three years, they have not resolved their grief. They went through the house gathering items that had no monetary value, but had some meaning to them. Watching them, I felt as if they were trying to keep them memories alive by grasping at anything that might remind them of their beloved brother.
Tonight I finished assembling my Christmas tree branch by branch. I put on the lights. Tomorrow I will put on the ornaments. One by one, I will hang each one, each having a particular memory attached to them. It is a ritual I must do myself each year, one a procrastinate on because I know it will be the reliving of Christmases past. I notice there are many more yellow lights on the tree than is usual. I switched the outdoor and indoor lights because I found the indoor lights first and held my helper ready to go. It is growing on me, the predominance of golden lights.
I imagine this is how it always has been on cold late autumn nights as Christmas approches. Snug inside, preparing for the holidays, the High Holy Days, the Winter Solstice and the turning of the year, the quiet of the night allows time to reflect and take stock. A star will soon shine in the night sky to guide the way. During advent, much shall be revealed. Much shall be resolved. Much shall be rejoiced. 'tis the season.