Later this month it will be seven years since I retired from full time work with a government agency. That job I always blamed for being the reason I wasn't experiencing the its of life I thought I wanted to be experiencing. I couldn't because, well, I was working full time and it was too enervating to let me do much else. What a crock that turned out to be. Here it is many moons later and I am still just sticking my toe in the illusionary illusive waters of creativity and self actualization.
I guess what I am saying is that I didn't imagine it would be like this, but somehow different. Thus the musing what it be like. What would it be like if I really were doing the things I keep telling myself I really want to do with my life? A better question might be, if I really wanted to do those things, wouldn't I be doing them? Ouch.
I think as I have oft said to myself and even to some who would listen, it really is because I choose to do other things that support this fundamental belief I grew up with that our lives our not really our own. But that, too, is a crock. What we are is what we be because of what we thought and what we chose along the way.
But, as I like to remind myself, and others, there is always a chance to choose again and to choose differently. And there you have. Something to think about and to muse on. But don't let it keep you awake. Sleep is where a lot of this works itself out. And that's what it be like.