Do you ever have times when you think what it would be like if...? Doesn't matter what the it is, but what if it were like this or that, just different, better, maybe a bit more like... Like what? What, I wonder, could be different than how it is just now since the it it is, it what we kinda brought into our reality by the choices me have made along the way.
Later this month it will be seven years since I retired from full time work with a government agency. That job I always blamed for being the reason I wasn't experiencing the its of life I thought I wanted to be experiencing. I couldn't because, well, I was working full time and it was too enervating to let me do much else. What a crock that turned out to be. Here it is many moons later and I am still just sticking my toe in the illusionary illusive waters of creativity and self actualization.
I guess what I am saying is that I didn't imagine it would be like this, but somehow different. Thus the musing what it be like. What would it be like if I really were doing the things I keep telling myself I really want to do with my life? A better question might be, if I really wanted to do those things, wouldn't I be doing them? Ouch.
I think as I have oft said to myself and even to some who would listen, it really is because I choose to do other things that support this fundamental belief I grew up with that our lives our not really our own. But that, too, is a crock. What we are is what we be because of what we thought and what we chose along the way.
But, as I like to remind myself, and others, there is always a chance to choose again and to choose differently. And there you have. Something to think about and to muse on. But don't let it keep you awake. Sleep is where a lot of this works itself out. And that's what it be like.